Hi.
I probably mentioned this before, I’m unsure that I am supposed to be with 1 person forever and ever. If you are in a committed relationship, I assess no judgment or evaluation in any way. I hope you are happy and fulfilled. I’m sure that for lots of people, their preference is to be coupled up. I’ve been in long term relationships that were great and healthy and some that weren’t, but if you don’t know by now, none of those relationships stood the test of time. (I’ll have other posts in the future in more specifics on some of the more interesting relationships). Bottom line, if I were to “go to college and marry a nice Christian boy and start a family” like I was “supposed” to, I’d be a shell of who I truly am. I basically do the opposite of what I am “supposed” to do and it hasn’t killed me yet. I could probably have a nicer life, but the trade off (of losing my soul) seems like a bad idea. It would have to be the right person and I just haven’t had a relationship with that person yet.
I am very, very single at this moment in time. Being single is something I really enjoy, especially as a new comic. It’s just easier for me that way. I don’t want to get thrown off track with the good things that are happening in my life because “someone doesn’t like me”. It’s important for me to keep up the good pace. In general I won’t date comics (there are 4 that would possibly have a chance), but for the most part dating comics seems like a terrible idea (unless it’s 1 of the 4, I’ve already justified it).
Although, being single has some downsides. The other night after the memorial, I really wanted to have someone sleep next to me. (The dog was 100% at my service, but he’s a dog and I prefer the company of a man sometimes). And not just any man… I’d prefer someone I like to spend time with, who treats me special and wants to hold me for a few minutes (and then get off me because I can’t stand being suffocated).
I’d like to talk about love. Good, old fashioned love. It’s something I require, and it’s such a vague and ambiguous topic. I often find myself looking back to the 1 Corinthians 13 Bible verse as my true understanding of what love means to me.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Over time, some of my strongest features have caused me the biggest trouble when it comes to love. Even when it comes to loving myself. Perhaps I haven’t done a good job expressing myself, and I’m sure others have factored into it as well. There’s no rule book for life and relationships, but there are tools available for use, it’s just a matter of using them and having an open heart. And not being stupid throughout the process.
I’m a helper. I like it when people depend on my help, and I like it when I am needed. I want to be loved, and I’m afraid of not being loved. If my help is rejected or you say you don’t need me, I take that negatively.
I’m a thinker. The world is invasive and confusing. I need privacy to think. I want to understand the world without it overwhelming me. If I can’t have the ability to think, I’m useless.
I am an enthusiast. The world is full of opportunity and options. I look forward to the future. I want to be happy, and I fear of being deprived. If I can’t be free to take opportunities and expand my options, I’ll be unhappy and unmotivated. This bird needs to fly sometimes.
I’m so bored of the dating scene that exists at this stage of life. Between the hookups, ghosting, poor communication styles, lying, manipulating, bad sex and being on either side of rejection, it sucks bad. For all intents and purposes, I’d rather not date. I’d rather find someone that we enjoy each others company and keep it light while being respectful of each other until we figure out if we want to make it something more long term.
Isn’t that what a courtship is? If so, I’d prefer a courtship. If that doesn’t work out, we could be good friends who care about each other.
Until I find a good courtship, I’m just going to keep telling jokes to strangers, hanging out with my dog and watching my super expensive Redbox copy of Magic Mike 2 until someone undulates me off my feet.
All you need is love, after all. And burgers.
