I’ll never delete this.

Okay, despite trying comedy for the first time over a year ago, I’m just over 6 months into being dedicated to it. I don’t count the time that I was an audience member,  however I consider that perspective a very important part of the process.

As an audience member, I might not laugh, but that doesn’t mean I hated your set. Maybe I didn’t get the punchline until it was too late. Maybe I didn’t react as you would like. Maybe a hundred different reasons why I liked your set, but didn’t verbally say it. As a friend says it, “don’t fake an orgasm” over comedy. Sometimes people don’t want to laugh outwardly. That doesn’t mean they aren’t laughing inside – and remembering you. Even if they’ve seen your set 10 times, they might not know your name until you become memorable to them. Does that make sense?

I’m trying to pay more attention to faces, reactions, tacit approval… I swear that barking before a show has gotten me better shows than it would be if I didn’t bark.

I’m exhausted by the mean natured souls that are tortured within their own minds… I didn’t realize how cruel people would or could be. Especially if they feel threatened by a peer. I’m speaking diplomatically and objectively here, and also out of personal experience. Cheer on a friend and give them good feedback? They call you “jealous”. If anything has become blatantly apparent, it’s that comedy is not a team sport. Friendships are so delicate and the stigma of whatever you think comics are dealing with… it’s real. I’ve had to re-evaluate my friendships, and it sucks. Everyone is out for themselves.

I’ve been told that this is just a small facet of the scene. I’ve been re-assured that there is more good than bad. I’ve also been warned that it gets way meaner than I’ve seen so far.

There’s an obsession with winning comedy, getting the most likes, being on the most shows, getting the most compliments – all of these things are amazing and wonderful – but to me – that’s not the end deciding factor of success or satisfaction.

I just want to laugh. I want to get better as a comic. I want to learn how people interact. I want to be a better communicator. I want to be someone who makes people laugh, I want to be known as “interesting” and “funny” and when I do something that was worthwhile,  I would like to be acknowledged for it.

This scene is so warm and welcoming, however I am disappointed by some of the snide, ugly actions done by some to belittle others that are working very hard to do what they truly love doing. In my opinion, they should be ashamed of themselves.  I’m not naming names, of course.

Go out to a comedy show. I’ll be at Johnny’s Other Side Wednesday night (7/26) for the Tumbleweeds Comedy Tour, it’s free and I think we could both use some laughs.