My brain wiring

Learning about myself has been incredibly helpful in my personal development.

I lied to myself for 33 years about my ability to self-diagnose and handle my problem with anxiety. As soon as I turned 34, I was sick of it. I asked my doctor for help. I got some help, I started taking Buspar, and my life started. Unfortunately Buspar doesn’t work well with me, it makes my head feel funny. I am starting a new medicine soon and we’ll see how that goes. But seriously, I am very affected by anxiety. i haven’t driven since March 2016 because I’m afraid everyone on the road is trying to kill me. (I even rode a bike this week, I definitely wished to be walking instead). I don’t trust cars if I am operating the vehicle. I don’t often trust the operator either, but I deal.

I ride buses on the regular. It’s a good way to get exercise. I take the dog along with me, too. He’s a good boy, he has a Sherpa carrier that he fits in. It’s pretty cute. There’s something about having time to myself on the bus. I use it… Sure, it takes a while to get where I’m going. Sure, it sucks when it rains. Sure, it’s hot out. Of course I find myself in uncomfortable situtions. I’m pretty sure that would happen regardless.

For now, I don’t hate it. It takes a little preparation but on the whole, I feel younger than I did when I drove a car.

Anxiety is a bitch and I never understood a panic attack until I had one.


Oh, I also have ADD. I’m not hyper but I can’t finish a book. I wish my brain had more attention span. My parents never thought ADD was a real thing (I simply “didn’t apply myself.”) Whatever, it doesn’t matter. It’s something I live with, and also work to afford the medicine to treat it. No, its not Adderall and no I won’t share.


I’m an “HSP”, otherwise known as a “highly sensitive person”. Ha, don’t stop reading, it’s a beautiful attribute. As long as you aren’t an insensitive person.

I tend to attract insensitive friends. It took a long time to figure that out. Insensitive does not mean bad, it just means bad for me.

I score pretty highly on this test:


My personality type has adjusted as I’ve grown up. In my 20’s I was an INFJ. In my 30’s, I’ve been an INFP. This year, my extroverted function has grown by leaps and bounds (I started comedy, seriously, and the podcast helped me to find my voice).

I see a behavioral doctor on a very regular basis. I understand that personality types are just a scale and not an “end all, be all”.

Introvert(19%)  iNtuitive(22%)  Feeling(41%)  Perceiving(9%)
  • You have slight preference of Introversion over Extraversion (19%)
  • You have slight preference of Intuition over Sensing (22%)
  • You have moderate preference of Feeling over Thinking (41%)
  • You have slight preference of Perceiving over Judging (9%)

I happen to love my personality. I have  pretty cool brain. Sure, I think people are mean sometimes, but I also really think people are mean sometimes.

The following excerpt is from and it’s been the hardest struggle I’ve had YET.

“One real problem area for the INFP is their intensive dislike of conflict and criticism. The INFP is quick to find a personal angle in any critical comment, whether or not anything personal was intended. They will tend to take any sort of criticism as a personal attack on their character, and will usually become irrational and emotional in such situations. This can be a real problem for INFPs who are involved with persons who have Thinking and Judging preferences. “TJ”s relate to others with a objective, decisive attitude that frequently shows an opinion on the topic of conversation. If the opinion is negative, the TJ’s attitude may be threatening to the INFP, who will tend to respond emotionally to the negativity and be vaguely but emphatically convinced that the negativity is somehow the INFP’s fault.”

It’s exhausting. Especially when you attract the kind of people who aren’t sensitive or feeling types.

This should be huge insight to who I am, but no link or test can say who I am, or who you are. But, let’s use our tools to our own best advantage.

You can’t celebrate your strong points without recognizing and working on your weaknesses.  I mean, you can, but that’s dumb.