Do you ever have one of those weeks… a week where you are tested, challenged, rewarded, understood, appreciated, and also totally disrespected? This was one of those weeks.
I just got home from the memorial for Billy Manes. Those words are hard to type, because it’s unreal. Billy was one of those people who would never move away from Orlando, in my minds eye, he is and will always be what I believe to be Orlando. He had a spark, and in the last few years, we barely had any contact, but when I did see him, he was always joyful and happy to see me. I spent my formative early 20’s hanging out with the Orlando Weekly crew, and Billy was very much a part of that group. That was the first group of people to truly accept me as an adult, and I am who I am as a result of those friendships.
I accidentally dripped candle wax on my sweet dogs head at the memorial. It was funny and awful at the same time. He was good sport about it. Sweet boy.
In 2017, I’ve been working hard to put myself out there, make creative things, write jokes and tell them, you know… I’m living the life I’ve wanted, but been too anxious to actually do. It’s great. I love it.
Creative thinking takes a toll sometimes. It makes things that I used to do seem minor and insignifcant. I honestly cannot tell you what I did with my time before I found this comedy stuff.
I was involved in a podcast with some friends, it meant a lot to me (episodes are listed on home page). Podcasting is a great way to put yourself out there, to share your world with whoever listens, it’s like having one conversation that is heard by anyone and everyone. It’s odd. I was fascinated by it. Unfortunately, it became more than I was willing to handle, and I love myself more than I love the podcast, and I quit and distanced from the others in the group. I decided I need to focus on myself, comedy, and the friendships that are meaningful and fulfilling in my life. As I was reminded this evening, life is short and you should spend your best years doing what you love with those who you enjoy being near and dear with. I hope you enjoy the episodes I was on. It was fun while it lasted.
I just want to talk a little bit more about Billy Manes if that’s okay. I’ve been listening to Billy Joel all day, I also drank a bottle of red wine but who’s keeping score… I’m sad. Death hits me in weird ways. This B Side of this album, The Stranger, has been the exact thing I needed to hear. I wrote some notes that I’m willing to share:
What an amazing and wonderful legacy to be loved and remembered for being exactly true to yourself, and loving and living without boundaries imposed by society. What else is there, if you have the mind and ability to be true to yourself and outwardly share your truth. Billy did that. Always. He wasn’t afraid. He just did it. What a legacy, what an example. He was an advocate.
I want to write more. I want people to know my stories. I want to bring stories to life. I’d like to be any percentage of the writer Billy Manes was.
His power was generated because he stood up for what he knew was important.
Someone said he was an empath. I don’t know if that’s true, and I need to do more research on what that really means, but I’ve always had a keen sense. There’s a good chance I have everything it takes to do great things with my mind if I apply myself and have good mentors.
I feel a certain call to action. Between the greats that I’ve known to pass away recently, it’s seeming that Billy Joel was right, only the good die young.
I have a strong suspicion that I didn’t get picked for Sleuth’s tonight because I was supposed to be having these realizations at the memorial.
What’s the worst that can happen if I take a risk? Is it worse than not maximizing my skills and talents?
I wasn’t born to sell insurance but I am really great at other things. I need to find what I’m supposed to be doing. I love having a job, of course. But there’s something else that I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I just haven’t figured it all out yet. I think I’m supposed to help people. I think I’m supposed to make people laugh.
I’m not supposed to stay quiet. There’s so much that I need to say.
I want to be remembered for doing the work that I was supposed to be doing.
Additionally, I totally made out with a boy this week. Just sneaking that in because it happened and I want it to happen more.
The song “Vienna” by Billy Joel is below. It really spoke to me today. Listen if you wish, I hope it speaks to you as well. <3
Slow down, you crazy child
You’re so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you’re so smart, then tell me
Why are you still so afraid?
Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about?
You’d better cool it off before you burn it out
You’ve got so much to do
And only so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you get old
You’re gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you
Slow down, you’re doing fine
You can’t be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,
Too bad but it’s the life you lead
You’re so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you’re wrong, you know
You can’t always see when you’re right. you’re right
You’ve got your passion, you’ve got your pride
But don’t you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don’t imagine they’ll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
Slow down, you crazy child
And take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
It’s all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You’re gonna kick off before you even get half through
Why don’t you realize, Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
Written by Billy Joel • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group
